Keep Em Interested, CNN

A lot of people ask me why I really don’t have much respect for the institution of Journalism, and I think that this picture pretty well captures my answer.

 photo ScreenShot2014-04-23at121906PM_zps0c6e7f4a.png


Alright, so based solely on what’s shown here, which was today’s front page of CNN, I can take away a couple things that are not great signs:

  1. People are still treating that plane like its news.
  2. Somebody found something in Australia.
  3. Whatever this thing is, it’s really boring.

How sad is that sub-headline? Does CNN really think I’m going to read an article about something that I wasn’t aware of but, according their own reporting, gets less exciting the more you learn about it? If I was in the business of wasting time learning about things that get more boring the more you know about them, I probably wouldn’t have dropped out of high school. No way, I bet I would have insisted on doing high school twice.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over there, scaring the shit out of myself, reading about how Ebola is back and stronger than ever. That doesn’t get less exciting the more you learn about it, unless, of course, you’re bored by feelings of abject terror.


Friesen Point Podcast 124: Kenny DeForest

What excitement! Today, the Dans are joined by their old buddy, now-New York but formerly Chicago comedian Kenny DeForest!

Check out Kenny’s Website!
Check out 2 Black Dudes!
Follow Drees on Twitter!



Sandwich Bracket: First Round Action Part 2

Welcome back, children, for the second installment of Round 1 Action. I would say that we’ve witnessed an amazingly exciting opening to this Sandwich Bracket; we saw a couple of upsets, we saw Friesen Point Bracketing’s first ever complete shut-out, and we saw absolute evidence that I am completely impartial and not cheating at all.

Ham def. Banh Mi
Turkey def. Egg Salad (the Shut Out)
Breakfast Sandwich def. Patty Melt
Gyro def. Meatball (Proof I don’t cheat)

If there ever were a moment where I would cheat, it’s when my favorite sandwich of all time, The Mighty Meatball, is down by two votes, and I am in charge of tallying the votes. I could have cheated so easily. It would have been nothing to me to pretend that a couple people voted on Twitter, so it appears that Gyro won, but it was really a bit Meatball day. I don’t play that shit; these Brackets are sacred.

Also, don’t let yourself be caught sleeping. I am releasing these match-ups a week after the last ones, but that’s only because I was profoundly sick for most of last week, and I just wasn’t up for doing anything.  I’m nice and healthy now, so expect more frequent updates so we can get through all these first round matches and get to the real serious bickering.

Speaking of bickering, lets get down to business…

Continue reading


Sandwich Bracket: First Round Action Pt. 1

Holy shit folks! It’s finally here: the end of college basketball ruining all my bracketing fun! Now that all those Johnny-Bracket-Lately’s are gone and back to their…well…whatever it is that they do the rest of the year, I’m free to go back to my bracketing of nonsensical things.

And this time, it’s sandwiches. A couple of things to address up top:

  • 5 years ago, back in Missouri, I did a Sandwich Bracket on my podcast. This one will be a little different for a couple reasons. First, there are new entrants into the running to mix things up. Second, the power rankings have changed in that half-decade, so the seeding will be completely different, thus leading to a totally different conversation and outcome.
  • We all need to take a breath and accept that there is a lot of grey area when discussing what exactly is a sandwich. I posit that it is meat (or a main, starring ingredient) covered on both sides by a bread or bread-like item. I make that last stipulation because I believe that something on a pita can still be a sandwich. These finer points and technicalities will come up over and over as we get through this, so let’s just prepare for that.

I think that’s plenty of preamble. Now, let’s get down to some hot sandwich action!

Continue reading


Friesen Point Podcast 123: Michael Timlin

We’re back, and by “we,” I mean myself and my official new co-host Dan Drees! This week, we’re joined by acclaimed comedian Michael Timlin for a wonderful chat. Many apologies for being gone so long. We’re back on solid footing now, and we won’t leave you like that again.

Follow Timlin on Twitter!
Check out Timlin’s Open Mic!
Follow Drees on Twitter!


This Is “Moderately” Interesting

My life has taken a very bizarre turn in the last week. No, I haven’t sworn off meat or become a Hare Krishna (but don’t count that last one out; I’m totally into chanting and hanging out in airports).

What’s happened is that I have gone back to OkCupid. As close followers of my adventures know, I was formerly on OKC, hoping to find a partner, as more of my friends than they would like to admit have done. I took it seriously for a while, but I grew tired with it incredibly fast and left the site out of abject boredom.

You know how it goes, though. Months pass, boredom remains and before you know it, you’re right back at the dating site, telling yourself that you’re just there kill time. That’s where I was, when I received a very interesting email from the OKCupid people.

 photo ScreenShot2014-04-11at105248AM_zpsff770a9c.pngWoah, people! Freak out. Buttering me up with compliments, then asking me to take on thankless and unpaid responsibilities; OKCupid has become indistinguishable from most of my friends.

I thought it over and decided, while it’s probably not a compliment that a dating site has deemed me as someone they can incorporate into “long-time plans” and trust with responsibilities, that this was an offer I couldn’t pass up. I accepted, and got started on my new adventure as a dating site moderator.

For a long time, I’ve heard horror stories from female friends about insane messages people have sent them, and to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to being the one who would deal with these dudes and ban them from the site. I imagined myself being some kind of a hero, standing up for chivalry and decency.

Let me tell you, the reality has been quite different. The reality has just been me sitting around clicking a “Remove Picture” button as I watch a parade of pictures of people’s actual pets and hypothetical cars and boats fly by. Apparently, posting pictures of things that are not you is against the rules, and moderation for the site is largely discerning whether or not a picture is of the person who’s claiming it’s them. This is not the wild, heroic Knight-Errant type of adventure I thought I was signing up for.

Sincerely, most of what I’ve taken away from this experience is that there are a lot of snitches out there. For a picture to end up in this moderation queue, some normal citizen has to have seen this picture, been peeved that it didn’t follow the code of order, and decided to flag it.

It turns out that, from everything I can tell, “the dark recesses of online dating” is the realization that there are a ton of people out there who actually are pissed off that some girl has a picture of her dog on her account, when THE RULES CLEARLY STATE NO PET PICS!

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, indeed.




Dan’s Definitive Top Six List #1: Stray Thoughts I’ve Had In Past 24 Hours

Long-Time Friesen Pointers know that The Definitive Top Six List is a classic piece from all formats that this creative output has taken on. Some people argue that the list is a completely fucked out form for writing to take, and to that I would posit that I am breaking new ground by specifically not doing a Top Five or Top Ten list. I’m edgy! I’m doing Sixes!

Also, what differentiates everyone else’s lists from mine are that mine are literally and indisputably accurate. Anyone is welcome to argue any of the entries on any of these lists, but they should do so with absolute foreknowledge that they are wrong.

Anyway, I’ve missed expressing myself through lists, so I’ve decided to bring the bit back with a topic very near and dear to my heart: my own thoughts.

Continue reading

The Online Work of Comedian Dan Friesen


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 35 other followers