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Sandwich Bracket: First Round Action Pt. 1

Holy shit folks! It’s finally here: the end of college basketball ruining all my bracketing fun! Now that all those Johnny-Bracket-Lately’s are gone and back to their…well…whatever it is that they do the rest of the year, I’m free to go back to my bracketing of nonsensical things.

And this time, it’s sandwiches. A couple of things to address up top:

  • 5 years ago, back in Missouri, I did a Sandwich Bracket on my podcast. This one will be a little different for a couple reasons. First, there are new entrants into the running to mix things up. Second, the power rankings have changed in that half-decade, so the seeding will be completely different, thus leading to a totally different conversation and outcome.
  • We all need to take a breath and accept that there is a lot of grey area when discussing what exactly is a sandwich. I posit that it is meat (or a main, starring ingredient) covered on both sides by a bread or bread-like item. I make that last stipulation because I believe that something on a pita can still be a sandwich. These finer points and technicalities will come up over and over as we get through this, so let’s just prepare for that.

I think that’s plenty of preamble. Now, let’s get down to some hot sandwich action!

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Friesen Point Podcast 123: Michael Timlin


We’re back, and by “we,” I mean myself and my official new co-host Dan Drees! This week, we’re joined by acclaimed comedian Michael Timlin for a wonderful chat. Many apologies for being gone so long. We’re back on solid footing now, and we won’t leave you like that again.

Follow Timlin on Twitter!
Check out Timlin’s Open Mic!
Follow Drees on Twitter!

 

This Is “Moderately” Interesting

My life has taken a very bizarre turn in the last week. No, I haven’t sworn off meat or become a Hare Krishna (but don’t count that last one out; I’m totally into chanting and hanging out in airports).

What’s happened is that I have gone back to OkCupid. As close followers of my adventures know, I was formerly on OKC, hoping to find a partner, as more of my friends than they would like to admit have done. I took it seriously for a while, but I grew tired with it incredibly fast and left the site out of abject boredom.

You know how it goes, though. Months pass, boredom remains and before you know it, you’re right back at the dating site, telling yourself that you’re just there kill time. That’s where I was, when I received a very interesting email from the OKCupid people.

 photo ScreenShot2014-04-11at105248AM_zpsff770a9c.pngWoah, people! Freak out. Buttering me up with compliments, then asking me to take on thankless and unpaid responsibilities; OKCupid has become indistinguishable from most of my friends.

I thought it over and decided, while it’s probably not a compliment that a dating site has deemed me as someone they can incorporate into “long-time plans” and trust with responsibilities, that this was an offer I couldn’t pass up. I accepted, and got started on my new adventure as a dating site moderator.

For a long time, I’ve heard horror stories from female friends about insane messages people have sent them, and to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to being the one who would deal with these dudes and ban them from the site. I imagined myself being some kind of a hero, standing up for chivalry and decency.

Let me tell you, the reality has been quite different. The reality has just been me sitting around clicking a “Remove Picture” button as I watch a parade of pictures of people’s actual pets and hypothetical cars and boats fly by. Apparently, posting pictures of things that are not you is against the rules, and moderation for the site is largely discerning whether or not a picture is of the person who’s claiming it’s them. This is not the wild, heroic Knight-Errant type of adventure I thought I was signing up for.

Sincerely, most of what I’ve taken away from this experience is that there are a lot of snitches out there. For a picture to end up in this moderation queue, some normal citizen has to have seen this picture, been peeved that it didn’t follow the code of order, and decided to flag it.

It turns out that, from everything I can tell, “the dark recesses of online dating” is the realization that there are a ton of people out there who actually are pissed off that some girl has a picture of her dog on her account, when THE RULES CLEARLY STATE NO PET PICS!

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, indeed.

 

 

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Dan’s Definitive Top Six List #1: Stray Thoughts I’ve Had In Past 24 Hours

Long-Time Friesen Pointers know that The Definitive Top Six List is a classic piece from all formats that this creative output has taken on. Some people argue that the list is a completely fucked out form for writing to take, and to that I would posit that I am breaking new ground by specifically not doing a Top Five or Top Ten list. I’m edgy! I’m doing Sixes!

Also, what differentiates everyone else’s lists from mine are that mine are literally and indisputably accurate. Anyone is welcome to argue any of the entries on any of these lists, but they should do so with absolute foreknowledge that they are wrong.

Anyway, I’ve missed expressing myself through lists, so I’ve decided to bring the bit back with a topic very near and dear to my heart: my own thoughts.

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3Oh!3 Memorial Dan’s Back Post

I grant that none of you out there particularly care what’s going on in my life. Literally no one has any interest in someone else writing a self-indulgent blog about the drab day-to-day of their slog toward death. And I’d never want to put you through that. And I won’t.

However, since it’s been a while, I thought a few catch-up bullet points were in order.

  • I’ve been crazy busy, keeping up with my day job, my stand-up dates, and working on a certain project that ended up deeming me incredibly fireable. I can still say that I am the co-founder of a comedy festival, but only by using a rigidly literal definition of “founder.” That last responsibility disappearing should free me up to be far more active with this site.
  • I’ve left Facebook. For a long time now, I’ve found the site to be grating, distracting, and more a negative thing than positive. I have a great many thoughts about the ills of that social network (which I will get into in a later post), but for now, this is my social network. I’ll write things here, keep everyone up to date on important shit, and we can always descend into flame wars in the comment section.
  • Friesen Point podcast will be back, in a new and improved form, very soon. I’ve been fiddling with the format, and I found some success and some failure with that, but I still can’t say I’ve found something that feels just right. I’m working on it, and hope to have something ready and running by the end of the month.
  • Mac & Cheese won the Side Dish Bracket. I really ran out of steam on that, mostly because the Side Dish Bracket was ending just when everyone was getting excited about real brackets, and that takes a ton of the fun out of it for me. When March Madness hits, every blog comes out with their own cute bracket, and it really bums me out. That being said, now that that whole mess is over, it’s time to start a new bracket, so get ready for Friesen’s Sandwich Bracket 2.0.

I’m looking forward to all this, particularly the Sandwich Bracket. There’s no way this one’s going to run out of steam. However, there may be some steamed buns. Speaking of steamed buns, I’m off to the sauna. Talk to you soon!

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Side Dish Bracket FINALS!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally made it.  The time has come for all of us to look deep within ourselves and choose our champion, the world’s greatest Side Dish.

But before we get to that, I want to take a little time to give a shout out to some of the Side Dishes we may have lost too soon.

Fried Cheeses, your crispy exterior and gooey interior are way stronger than your first round defeat deserved.

Non-Fried Taters, you had the misfortune of going up against Fries in the second round. But for that, we might still be discussing you.

Rice, a lot of us still have no idea how you lost to Soup. You just didn’t show up to play. The talent was there, but you just put up shit numbers.

Jello Salad, you were goddamn lucky to have even been involved.

All the rest of you, you finished about where you were supposed to.

Alright, now that this In Memorium section has been taken care of, let’s get on to the finals…

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Side Dish Bracket: The Foodstuff Four!

Children, we’ve come down to that point that is always so exciting in the college basketball bracket: the Final Four, or in our case, the Foodstuff Four. Excitement! Food! Bickering!

I know many of you have likely been complaining, “hey Dan, it’s been a long time since you’ve posted some match-ups for the tournament. Kind of a dick move on your part.” You’re not totally wrong, and I’m sorry. I’ve been incredibly busy lately. There have been a lot of shows and a lot of “having a day job.” That combo can really take it out of a man and make it hard to concentrate on Side Dishes.

Honestly, I have to tell you all something. I have been busy, that is true, but there’s a second reason that it took me so long to get to this round, which we will get to right after the jump…

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The Online Work of Comedian Dan Friesen

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