We’re back. Today, Drees and I are joined by good buddy Dan Sheehan to chat about what’s been happening in life since we last recorded and get pretty in depth with hypothetical time travel. Sorry about the gap in episodes, we promise we’re back.
Today, I’m excited to bring you a very special bonus episode, that exists solely so you can enjoy the theme song Tommy Mac, Mike Timlin, and myself recorded for a non-existent Friesen Point companion podcast.
Is it worth it to make an entire episode just to play a theme song? Absolutely. I’m sure you’ll agree.
Children, as many of you know, one of the things I’m most obsessed with in life is junk food that’s available for a limited time only. I mark the passing of the seasons not by when I start/stop wearing a coat, but by when the autumnal Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash at the local Jewel Osco mysteriously transforms into the summery Sierra Mist Kiwi Strawberry.
I’ll buy any candy or chip I’m told I can’t buy later. I bought a bag of these things, and they didn’t even have a name.
Thankfully, this way of life doesn’t always result in horrible disappointment; for instance, Nestle Crunch recently reintroduced their Girl Scout Cookie themed line of candy bars, and boy howdy, is that exciting news.
These are great candy bars, and that’s coming from a guy who’s not that big on candy. However, I’m finding that my enjoyment is being challenged by memories of arguments past; arguments about which Girl Scout Cookie is the best.
I think that argument is simultaneously a “sticky wicket” and a “nonstarter,” so I’m going to ever-so-gracefully avoid that conversation in favor of a much more concrete one: which of these Crunch Bars is going to be named the Friesen Point Novelty Nestle Crunch Bar of 2014. I know…real high honors.
Let’s get down to it! Who’s gonna take this thing down?
Children, Tinder exists. In case you’re unaware of what it is, allow me to bring you up to speed:
- It’s an app, powered by hormones and delusion, that is in theory used for finding people near you to fuck, but seems to be used primarily as a virtual space for men to sexually harass women, and for comedians to troll unsuspecting strangers.
- Also, there are robots and hookers.
To give you some way of visualizing what it looks like spiritually, imagine the dating service equivalent of the gutter on Halsted the day after Pride: just a weird stew of stagnant water full of spent tallboy cans and used condoms.
I’d really never given this particular aspect of it much thought, but I always kind of just assumed that Tinder was a company run with the efficiency of a Swiss watch and the consummate professionalism of some guy who makes Swiss watches. Boy, was I wrong.
It turns out this is a situation not unlike a pizza joint being run by a incredibly obese man who got that way because he just can’t get enough pizza; the founders of Tinder created a “dating” app that has become the modern world’s greatest hotbed for douchebaggery largely because it seems like that’s the kind of thing they really go in for.
The company’s co-founder and former vice president of marketing Whitney Wolfe has filed a lawsuit on Monday, alleging her fellow senior executives engaged in “atrocious sexual harassment and sex discrimination” against her.
In the lawsuit, Wolfe described Chief Marketing Officer Justin Mateen as “verbally controlling and abusive.” She accused him of repeatedly calling her a “slut” and a “whore,” including in front of CEO Sean Rad.
The people who run Tinder being sued for sexual harassment is like the some Exxon executive being arrested for littering a bottle of Olive Oil. I’m sorry, I’m not great at similes.
I feel like one of the sadder elements of this story is that this guy’s alleged behavior, while reprehensible, would be considered incredibly tame were it just to be done within the confines of the smart-phone app his own company created. I guess it all goes back to the age-old saying: “There are three things that matter in sexual harassment: location, location, location.”
What this all really makes me wonder, though, is what’s Tinder’s corporate stance on paying for their employees’ birth control? Actually, come to think about it, I bet they’re super on board with that.
Today, I’m excited to welcome back to the podcast my dear old friend Nate Burrows to discuss the possibility of the existence of Christian Dubstep, the definite existence of a “ghetto cowboy,” and the probable absurdity of something I’ve been reading about on the internet.
Oh my god, children. Can you feel the excitement in the air? I know I can. There’s an electricity in the ether, and I, for one, can barely stand it. Why is this vigor palpitating through me, you ask? Well mostly because I just saved 15% on my car insurance using Geico.com, but also because we are down to the Semi-Finals of the Sandwich Bracket!
It’s been a long road, but we’re here, and it’s time to figure out which Sandwiches are going to be meeting, head to head (or “bread to bread”), for the title of Best Sandwich Ever.
Honestly, this excitement is almost too much to bear, so let’s just get to the match-ups.
I would like to congratulate Twitter for finally finding a way to completely cut through the bullshit of the Social Media Age. Many thought that the site would just turn into yet another way for “Millenials” to detach while staying technically connected, but oh, were they ever wrong.
At its core, Twitter serves one single function: you write short funny or informative blurbs, and if people like what you have to offer, they follow you. That is it. Sure, there is a way to send messages, but having that functionality is like having a Taco Bell having a healthy “Fresco Menu.” That’s not why anyone’s there.
As long as Twitter’s been around, the game has been clear: try and get as many followers as you can. Keep your game tight, because if you slip, people are going to unfollow you, and you’ll never amass the army of followers you’re going to need to enter the world of Sponsored Tweeting, or force companies to bend to your will when you feel slighted. If you can’t do either of those things, what’s the fucking point?
Well, I just learned that Twitter allows you to “Mute” people. I suppose this is for people who Tweet incoherent nonsense, but maybe you work with them and you don’t want to rock the boat by unfollowing them. To me, this is amazing. Twitter has added a function that negates its entire reason for being, and the very basis of the “More Followers Equals More Influence” hierarchy paradigm.
Now, anyone’s number of followers has to come with an *, since who knows how many of them have you muted? I’m sure some of you will be quick to point out that muting can be used to temporarily ignore people while they live-Tweet the Kids Choice Awards or whatever, but for my money, this is something way bigger than that.
In one fell swoop, Twitter has demolished the barriers of insincerity in social media. Because of the existence of the reasonably “polite” option of muting someone and not unfollowing them, you now know that if someone unfollows you, the only reason they could possibly have is that they personally dislike you.
“I like this dude, but I can’t stand his posts. I don’t want to contribute to his follower count going down, so I guess I’ll just mute him.”
“Seriously, fuck this guy. His posts suck, he owes me fifty bucks, and last week he kicked my dog. I hope unfollowing him starts a revolution and he ends up with an audience of nothing but bots and camgirls.”
Watch your follower counts closely, children. From here on out, if someone unfollows you, it’s not just that they don’t like what you’re putting out there, they’re trying to say that they don’t like you. At all.