Sandwich Bracket: The Filling 4!

Oh my god, children. Can you feel the excitement in the air? I know I can. There’s an electricity in the ether, and I, for one, can barely stand it. Why is this vigor palpitating through me, you ask? Well mostly because I just saved 15% on my car insurance using, but also because we are down to the Semi-Finals of the Sandwich Bracket!

It’s been a long road, but we’re here, and it’s time to figure out which Sandwiches are going to be meeting, head to head (or “bread to bread”), for the title of Best Sandwich Ever.

Honestly, this excitement is almost too much to bear, so let’s just get to the match-ups.

Club vs Gobbler

 photo ClubGob_zpsc30a2a7f.jpg

Alright, I’m of two minds about how this is going to go down. On the one hand, I think that the Gobbler is an absolute monster, and that when historians discuss this Bracket, the main topic of conversation is going to be the Gobbler Cinderella Story. In contrast to that, the Club is kind of just lucky to be here, and is thanking whatever version of God it believes in that the Cold Sandwich pool is pretty weak.

On the other hand, I’m beginning to sense what I can only call a Gobbler Backlash starting to take hold in the public. Casual, private conversations I’ve had over the last week have included words like “overrated” and “this has gone a little far.”

My feeling is that the built up love and momentum the Gobbler is currently enjoying will be plenty to carry it over to the Finals, but the real question is does Gobby have the gas to finish this whole thing with a victory? Only time (and your votes) will tell.

Breakfast Sammy vs. Hamburger

 photo BFastBurger_zps43d5077e.jpg

I am worried about this match-up. I don’t like anything about it.

For one, the Breakfast Sandwich is my last horse left in this race, and my feelings about it are very strong. I love a real Cheesy Sammy in the morning. Without it, I have a tough time going about my business, which is mostly staring at a computer all day, trying to look busy.

For two, the Burger is an automatic winner. It’s the perennial favorite, and it’s awful hard to see any of these Sandwiches taking it down. The Burger is pretty much everyone’s first favorite Sandwich. In America, we’re taught to basically fetishize the Burger. McDonald’s and their ilk spend millions of dollars on advertising focused on getting children hooked on their wares, to the exclusion of other, better Sandwiches.

It really makes you wonder: how much of our love of the Burger is genuine, and how much is a product of a mass hypnosis/brainwashing campaign disguised as honest advertising? I suspect none of us really want to know the answer to that question.

On the flip side, you know who has never used propaganda and is still beloved? The Breakfast Sandwich. I’m just saying. You’ve gotta make up your own mind on this one.

And there you have it: the Filling 4! Now, it’s up to you to decide the victors. I place the fate of these four Sandwiches in your hands. Choose wisely; no matter how you vote, know that you are making history, and that these results will, as we established earlier, be discussed by Future Historians.

As always, leave some Reasoning for your Seasoning. Voting is open!

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16 thoughts on “Sandwich Bracket: The Filling 4!”

  1. Gobbler. Though has anyone address why that picture has green beans in it? Am I wrong? Are green beans a normal part of a gobbler? That seems anti-sandwich. I’m going to assume a gobbler can be whatever turkey/style leftover type shit you choose…though if green beans are a must, please re-cast my vote. Green beans don’t belong on sandwiches. Anyway, gobbler’s probably going to lose anyway…but gobbler.

    Breakfast Sammy. Against, I feel like this is a bit of a lost cause…and I suppose I’m fine with that. If a breakfast sandwich is going to lose, I’m happy it’s to a burger. Well not happy, but I understand.

    Now Dan, in regards to:

    “how much of our love of the Burger is genuine, and how much is a product of a mass hypnosis/brainwashing campaign disguised as honest advertising? I suspect none of us really want to know the answer to that question.”

    I’m with you there, friend-o. If I’m being honest with myself…I’ve never felt a strong attachment to the hamburger, and always felt VERY pressured to. Hot dogs? Oh boy. Yes. Hamburgers though…eh.

    Also, and this is more of an aside than anything…I’ve been viewing each of these match-ups not as: “Which do you prefer?” but as “Imagine you have to choose one and never have the other again.” Now, I’m not sure that was the intent…but I’d be super bummed to never have a breakfast sandwich again. Burger…nah man, I’m not that worried.

    1. I think that “Which do you prefer?” and “Imagine you have to choose one and never have the other again” are about the same question. I would posit that I would prefer that which I would choose to keep in existence at the expense of another Sandwich.

      To your point about Green Beans, I think that’s a fairly common Gobbler accoutrement, but probably isn’t necessary. I think that anything that is served on Thanksgiving is fair game for the Sandwich. You may fuck around and get Yams on that thing, and you can’t be surprised about it.

  2. Gobbler. And I’m abivalent about the green beans. On the one hand, they aren’t adding much by way of taste to this behemoth of a sandwich, but on the other hand, whats wrong with a little added nutrition?

    I’ll go with breakfast on this one just because its breakfast, and you can put 98% of the burger DNA into the breakfast sandwich anyways.

    Here’s the reason the Gob is gonna take this whole thing down: inherently, the Gobbler is a special occasion sandwich, with all home cooked ingredients. You can’t run up in any old sub shop and ask them for their thanksgiving leftovers. It’s freshness is unmatched. Gob is love. Gob is life. I still think this should be a round robin between breakfast sammy/ hamburger / gobbler but thats just me.

    1. I’ve been thinking about your Gob Reasoning for a little bit now, and I think there may be something to it. However, it is a Double Edged Sandwich. If the love of the Gobbler largely relies on a sentimental good feeling for home and the holidays, then people who are averse to going home for holidays or have bad memories in the arena are going to have little reason to give the Sandwich any cred.

  3. I’ve probably had three #gobblers in my life. The number of club sandwiches I’ve had would honestly frighten you. Look, the Gobbler has had a beautiful run. It’s like in 2006 when George Mason got to the Final Four. The club is about to end this fantasy. Its a phenomenal sandwich. Pairs well with kettle chips.

    Breakfast sandwich deserves a spot in the finals. I think its gonna win this whole damn thing. We are the breakfast sandwich army. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.”

    1. Gotta give an official Goodyear Tire sponsored RfS CALL OUT here.

      Relative rarity of ingestion, if anything, should be a positive point. It is the very thing that makes Thanksgiving what it is (which is the day on which most Americans have their best meal of the year). If we ran this bracket on Annual Digestion per Capita (or ADC as we refer to it in congress), no doubt the final four would be turkey, ham, bologna and beef.

      Goodyear. We discover, you explore.

  4. For me, it’s all about versatility. A sandwich must be available to all taste sensations at once, as it is a vessel of edible opportunity for greatness. A boring stack of sinews, cultures, sauces, and vegetation arranged atop a baked good in any fashion is still boring, and with that in mind, I’m going to do all of you a favor right now and tell you which two are going to me(a)et up in the finals.

    The Gobbler and The Burger

    Ah, the holidays. What a magical time, eh? The aroma of roasted turkey at any time of year elicits thoughts of family, good tidings, and happiness. And what an aroma. As we established in a previous bracket, turkey is, in this microphone’s opinion, water-flavored meat. It is void of any redeeming quality, constantly lying to your stomach and forcing you to believe you’re ingesting a fabulous meal. But the scent, the biggest falsehood of all, is encapsulating. It reunites friends and family, bringing them to a table filled with the widest variety of edibles they’ll see all year. And it is because of those many delicious toppings that:

    The Gobbler must be king.
    A Club is 4 ingredients (not including bread), 2 of them bland, one mediocre, and the incredible bacon. A Gobbler contains the love of your friends and family, and up to 10 ingredients (based on how fancy you want to get), all of which meld together so good, you can even eat them apart and feel whole. The Gobbler even has the height advantage, inherently twice as tall as The Club. More sandwich = good.

    Breakfast is an important meal. Starts your day off the right way. Gets you in gear. A breakfast SANDWICH is an absolute perfect amalgam of what it is to be awake. You can take it on the go, be more productive, and have an overall better day because of that regained time that would have otherwise been spent sitting at home, hurriedly cramming food up your facehole. But that’s not why we eat. Food is a reward, and should be enjoyed thoroughly when it arrives, not become a chore standing in the way of you and your daily goals. There are plenty of Starbucks open, energy drinks available if you really wanna get going early. It’s those last two meals that really matter though. You can finally sit down, relax, get cozy, and really appreciate what you’re eating. Which brings us to life’s greatest edible prize:

    The Burger.
    Versatility incarnate. It’s easier to name what you “can’t” put on a burger. The answer is “nothing”. Mushrooms, peanut butter, red peppers, bananas, gravy, another burger, ranch dressing, pineapple, french fries, buns made of fruit, and, best of all, BREAKFAST: all items somehow defy logic and magically pair extremely well with grilled ground beef. You could put newspaper on your burger if you wanted. It wouldn’t be very good, but saying that didn’t even really sound that weird, did it? Burgers are all-inclusive topping chariots with flaming exhaust pipes. They’re offered at every type of restaurant because they BELONG in every type of restaurant. They have innumerable television shows, documentaries, and movies all about them, even a blog that updates daily with some of the most bizarre-yet-appetizing burger creations in the known universe ( Breakfast is great. Burgers are everything.

  5. It hurts to have to make this decision, but when faced with no ore burgers vs no more breakfast sandwiches…I have to side with the burger. I never want to live in a world with no burgers and will never find the best breakfast sandwich that could beat the best burger. Thank you for all you’ve done for me and this bracket, breakfast sammie.

    After shunning it in the early rounds of voting, I’m going to stay on the gobbler bandwagon all the way to the Finals. It should be an interesting final matchup if both foods make it considering the pace of this bracket should have the final round of voting starting around Thanksgiving. A major advantage for the gobbler.

  6. Long-time listener, first time caller. I’m bringing an x-factor in this bracket’s voting populace.

    Before I get to my findings, I would say that I see “which do you prefer” and “imagine you would only get to eat one sandwich for the rest of your life” are two different questions, as Brody first stated.

    “Which do you prefer?” limits the question to one single experience. “If you look back on this meal in twenty years, which sandwich will be the best memory for this moment in time.”

    “If you could only eat one of these sandwiches for the rest of your life” brings in all sorts of different variables. If this sandwich is going to be sticking around for a while, it best not be some lusty stranger come in to town for a one night tango only to leave you confused and full of phosphates the next morning. Over the long term, I want my sandwiches to bring it not only to the table, but to my wallet, exercise regiment, and digestive system.

    And my I add the third question which offers a different lens to the situation: “Which sandwich would best precede my preferred dessert, the Root Beer Float?”


    CLUB SANDWICH: Ties with Gobbler as to the first question, but wins in the other 2. As a seasonal necessity, The Gobbler is great. But it loses because it’s rare enough to have hip foodie trend potential. A quirky-mustached person can’t make a statement by eating a Club. It’s a Club. But a Gobbler invites so many statements of individuality that it’s sure to drive the price up when produced on a large-enough scale to make meaningful impact in my life. Have you seen what they’ve done to the fish taco?

    If The Gobbler ever caught on to staple status, it’d only be a matter of time before some gelled haired dude on roller skates comes up to your table and goes, “It’s a deconstructed Gobbler” and gives you a Thanksgiving dinner with guacamole on everything.

    Also, Clubs are a bit saltier, which is just what I’m looking for as a counterbalance to the cool creamy sweetness of a Root Beer Float.

    BREAKFAST SANDWICH: The Burger is obsolete. I said it. It’s done. Anyone who backs it is the band on the Titanic. The 2014 US cattle inventory is the lowest it’s been since 1951. From 1990-2003, feedyard cost of gain was $261/head. Today it’s $494/head, inflation adjusted. As the Chinese get hungrier for beef, the cost of the Burger shoots up. That hurts the wallet. However, Cheese and eggs and ham and maybe bacon are smooth sailing till at least 2030.

    The Breakfast Sandwich goes great with a newspaper. Burgers are best wrapped in newspaper, getting grease all over the articles so you don’t have to read about how overpopulation will make the moment of enjoying a delicious burger an increasingly rare moment. Also, an ‘increasingly rare’ Burger is really gross to think about.

    Also, honestly, time of day plays a huge factor in this one. Fat and protein in the morning is a great way to get the metabolism going and the brain thinking. At night, it just gives you weird dreams about parking tickets.

    Also, for my third question, the Breakfast Sandwich implies that I’d be having a Root Beer Float in the morning time and that’s a great day.

    RIP Peanut Butter and Banana. You never had a chance.

    1. Oh my god, Charlie, you’ve turned this thing on its head. Bringing in facts to tear down the Mighty Burger! The “Deconstructed Gobbler”! The Root Beer Float Criterion!

      The title totally doesn’t exist, but I’m already nominating you for Comment of The Bracket for this one.

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